Remembering Dad

Today is the anniversary of my father's death. He passed away when I was 19 ... 27 years ago. 27 years and not a year goes by that this day passes without tears and remembrance. Actually I usually begin the process at the beginning of the month ... counting down the days. He died from heart disease at the age of 57 ... way too young. Do you ever really get over the loss of someone you love? The pain lessens ... thank God the pain lessens, but does there ever come a time, this side of heaven, when it is completely gone?

Mom passed 10 years ago. That was devastating. More so than losing my father. Not that I loved her any more, but when dad died at least I still had mom. Oh geesh ... I didn't really plan on writing all this. Now I'm really crying ... but it's OK. I guess I need to. With mom's passing, along with the pain and sorrow, there was also the joy in knowing she was with the Lord. I had that assurance, knowing that she had accepted Jesus as her Savior. I pray that my father knew Him, but I am not sure. We never discussed such things.

OK ... this is actually what I planned on writing about when I started ... smashed cauliflower. I made this lastnight, although I have to admit, I didn't photograph mine so I borrowed a picture from the internet and added the text. It looks just like mine, though. This was as wonderful, if not more so, than mashed, or smashed, potatoes.

Here's my recipe:

Smashed Cauliflower

Ingredients: 1 head of cauliflower; 1/4 cup fat free cream cheese; 3 Tbsp. nutritional yeast (adds a cheesy flavor); 1 Tbsp. butter buds; 1/2 tsp. garlic powder; salt/pepper to taste, chives for garnish

Boil or steam the cauliflower for about 10-13 minutes until soft. Retain the liquid to use as necessary for desired consistency when mashing. Mash the cauliflower with a potato masher, or, for a creamier consistency, you can use a hand mixer or food processor. I like the texture of smashing them. While smashing or mixing, add all the other ingredients, except chives, and the reserved steaming liquid as needed for your desired consistency. Garnish with chives. Makes 4 very generous servings.

If you don't keep nutritional yeast on hand (not to be confused with bread or brewer's yeast) you can omit it. Or throw in some Parmesan or other cheese. This will, however, increase the calories and fat content. Also, if I had the time, I would roast some garlic and use that instead of the garlic powder. But this was a really fast, delicious side dish that got my husband to eat some cauliflower. I bet it would work on kids too!

The scale is becoming more friendly ... coming back down. One thing I did notice this morning is even though it is still up a couple pounds from last week, my percentage of body fat has actually come down 5% from last week. So I'm losing fat and/or building muscle ... I'll take that. And I know I've lost inches because I've been having fun trying on clothes that I haven't been able to get into for, probably, a couple years. When I hit the 50-pound loss mark two years ago, before my daughter's wedding, I had bought a bunch of clothes, some of which I have not even worn yet. It will be fun getting into them in the next few weeks.

Putting on the Ritz (Day 57)

No ... today's title doesn't refer to glitz and glamor ... going out and painting the town red. It's all about crackers ... lousy little round crackers with almost half their calories from fat. Stupid little crackers that my husband loves to take camping with him. Horrible (but delicious) crackers that have been sitting on the top shelf of my cupboard for the last two weeks since my dear husband came home from camping -- a six day trip during which he ate less than half a "roll" of crackers. Lousy leftover crackers that caught my eye lastnight when I was feeling weak. I ate two rolls ... two whole rolls of crackers! And the really bad thing is I had already had dinner. A very nice healthy dinner just a few hours earlier. I shouldn't have played hookie from choir practice. If I had gone, spent some time filling my soul with song ... fellowshiping with other Christians ... praising God, I know I could have avoided this cracker crisis.

And this wasn't the first time this week I've had a problem. The pain from an injured shoulder has had me seeking solace in food a few times. A couple days ago there was a cheesecake crisis ... you don't wanna know. Actually, truth is, I don't want to tell. Let's just say I blew a whole day's calories on cheesecake ... nuff said.

Consequently, the scale is no longer my friend. Instead of subtracting pounds, it's been adding them. I really don't think it can be correct. Because even while overindulging (OK ... over eating) I kept track of everything I ate and I know there's no way it can be accurate. It's a simple mathematical equation. Every 3,500 calories you eat in excess of what your body burns is turned into one pound of fat on your body. I figure, at the most, I deserve to have the scale register 1/4 - 1/2 pounds higher, using this simple math. So I know that number I saw this morning is not accurate. It can't be! (Me thinks the lady doth protest too much?!) I'll give it a couple days, get back to exercising regularly, and check it again.

OK ... so my shoulder injury came from lifting some weights on Saturday. I thought I would start work on firming and just over did it, and actually sprained my upper arm/shoulder. It was my left shoulder. The same one that the doctor diagnosed with adhesive capsulitis back in July. I went through physical therapy last month and thought it was all better. It is better, but obviously not as strong as my right arm/shoulder, which had no problem with the weights. There was a few of days of severe pain that I muddled through with Motrin and vicodin. And now, just Motrin. So, I didn't exercise for a couple days, but I started back today doing a mile this morning and a mile when I got home from work.

Here's a chart showing my nutritional info for the past month. I've been averaging 1751 calories per day with 12% of calories from fat ... even with my over indulging (OK ... gluttony!). I'd like to get the fat down to less than 10%. I have read that a really low fat diet is so important for reversing diabetes. So much for Ritz crackers ... I'm going to go put the rest down the sink. I'm not feeling tempted now, but I'm going to do it anyway. My husband will probably have a fit ... or think I ate them all. I don't care ... they're outta here!

Down 24 pounds! (Day 48)

Wahoo! I spoke too soon on Monday. The scale changed yesterday in my favor! Yeah baby ... 24 pounds gone for good. Monitoring more frequently, I see my blood sugar control is getting better, especially with the addition of more exercise. I've been doing two miles in the morning and another mile after work or in the evening. I think I need to need to stop having my last meal so late, also. Most nights I have been having dinner when I get home from my evening meetings, about 8:30 PM.

But today I didn't exercise when I got home and went straight to an early dinner at 5 PM: a bean tostada. Doesn't it look yummy! I used pinto beans smashed with garlic, cumin and chili powder on top of a whole wheat flour tortilla that I "baked" until crisp in the microwave. I topped it with shredded cabbage, onions, tomatoes, salsa and a dollop of Tofutti Better Than Sour Cream (a vegan sour cream alternative). This was my biggest meal today at 375 calories, only 4 grams fat, 16 grams protein, and a whopping 17 grams fiber. Go fiber girl, go! For breakfast I had a BPBJ, lunch was potato salad and with this fiesta on my plate for dinner I'm at about 1000 calories today. I still need to get some veggies in, so I think I'll have some steamed cauliflower and carrots for snack when I get home from tonight's meeting.

A Little Disappointment (Day 46)

OK ... so it's been a week. I have been really busy, but I was also kinda bummed after visiting the doc last Tuesday. It seems my glucometer wasn't functioning correctly, so my blood sugar readings were not as good as I thought they were. Major bummer!

My eating has been going OK ... except for an emotional eating detour Saturday evening. There was nothing in the house to eat emotionally on. No comfort in celery sticks or carrots... not for me anyway. But I had to go to the store for dog food and along with the dog food I brought home some chips (Tostitos ... baked, not fried), a Weight Watcher dessert (a key lime 2 pack (2 single servings) and yes ... I ate both of them) and some Red Vines 'cause I was gonna watch a movie and ya gotta have Red Vines for a movie, right?

Well ... Sunday morning what was left of the chips went into the trash, after I crumbled them all up. And you know what? My blood sugar was the lowest that morning that it's been. Can you believe that?! Yeesh! I can practically kill myself with exercise and bring down my blood sugar by only 3-6 points, but binge on sugar and the next morning it's where I would like it to be all the time. Speaking of exercise, I have started exercising twice a day. And, I have started doing the 2 Mile DVD in the morning, along with the 1 mile DVD in the afternoon or evening. The 2-Mile is really a stretch for me and I can't keep up with it totally, but in time I will. And, if my blood sugar doesn't show the effect right now, I know my heart is getting healthier. And, then, there is the discipline involved. I'm still at 22 pounds gone. Nothing lost this past week, but that's OK.

22 pounds lost! (Day 39)

I have lost 22 pounds! Praise God. Feasting on Him every day has truly been satisfying. I am drinking from The Well that never will run day and I am becoming disciplined as I exercise self-control.

This was my food feast this morning. Country "fried" potatoes with onions and peppers and two slices of Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin Bread with 2 tsp. of fruit spread. Total calories: 450 with 5% of calories from fat. Although I would like to use no added fat, I haven't found any truly nonstick pans. So I did spread just 1/4 tsp. olive oil over my pan before heating. This was an easy fix because I always keep a couple already baked potatoes in the refrigerator.

With a song in my heart (Day 36)

Woke up this morning with these words from a song of praise on my lips ... "You are Prince of Peace and I will live my life for You." I love it when that happens. Fell asleep praying, woke up praising! It sets the tone for the whole day, yes indeed. And this whole day has been wonderful. In fact, the past 10 days have been wonderful ... since I've been feasting at The Lord Table. I can't tell you how much this Bible study is helping me ... and not just in the area of overeating. I feel like I've been walking more in His Spirit these past couple weeks than any other time of my life ... not just relying on an outpouring for those "special" times, but praying for a pouring out of the Holy Spirit every day in order to live within His will in all things at all times.

Here's a poem I just wrote this evening, inspired by my Day 10 lesson at The Lord's Table:

Living Water

Sin no longer holds me captive,
God has set me free.
Victory has come at last;
You'll find no chains on me.

My flesh has now been crucified
And I am living free in Christ,
Feasting daily from His Word;
He truly is my Bread of Life.

Satisfying all the needs
Of my body, mind and soul,
Jesus is my All in All,
I've given Him complete control.

And every morning of each day
It is His Kingdom I seek first.
He is The Well that satisfies
And quenches, now, my every thirst.

Copyright © 2008 Jennifer Welsh
September 5, 2008

Victory over temptation! (Day 35)

Whew! I can barely find time to blog between work, exercising (6 days a week), group Bible study, small group training classes, choir rehearsal and my daily Lord's Table online Bible study, not to mention my own daily personal time of devotion and Bible study ... but life is good. I am beginning to feel like a disciplined person. And a little over a week ago I noticed a definite decline in the amount of pain I had been in. I really think the exercise has been helping with the pain management, not to mention the loss of 16 pounds that this old body isn't hauling around anymore! Yeah, baby!

It hasn't been all fun and games, but it does seem like it has been easy. Easier than before. Learning to "feast" on the Lord and having Him supply all that my hungry heart needs is definitely the answer to breaking free from the bondage of food. I'm realizing that is exactly what it was ... I was in bondage ... chained in the habitual sin of overeating, trying to satisfy my spiritual needs with physical food when what I really needed is to eat of the Bread of Life and drink the Living Water. I'm definitely drinking from the well, now. I pray I will continue. You can pray for me too. I'll take all the prayer I can get!

It hasn't been without temptation, however. I struggled with temptation at work just today. And temptation's name was chocolate. It was a little stressful today, lots of work to do, not enough time to do it. It was late afternoon and everyone else had gone home. In the midst of my stress I found myself wandering over to my co-worker's desk; a land flowing with milk and honey ... milk chocolate, that is. My dear friend keeps a bowl of candy, chocolate bars and Hershey kisses on her desk ... just there for anyone who wants them. I have not been in that dish for over 35 days now. But there on top, it caught my eye: a BIG bar of "World's Finest Chocolate" ... the kind they sell for fund raisers ... and I was all alone with it. It had been there the day before too. I had resisted the temptation yesterday. But today I actually picked it up, held it just under my nose, closed my mouth and breathed in ohhhh soooo sloooowly wanting to savor the fragrance, thinking perhaps a whiff, even through the wrapper, would hold some satisfaction for me. Immediate conviction brought me to my senses. "Whaddya doing?! Are you crazy?!" I asked myself ... outloud. What was I thinking? Doing the devil's work by tempting myself? I made it a sacrifice on the altar of my heart and laid it down immediately. This was not my desire ... and to the Word I went ... and then home to exercise and have dinner before choir practice.

OK ... this was dinner tonight. Doesn't it look like a yummy hamburger?! What is that on my bun ... is it a bird? is it a cow? ... no ... it's super bean burger! A mixture of kidney beans, veggies and oatmeal. Here's the recipe on the web. I actually had to add almost a cup of oatmeal 'cause I processed the mixture too much in my food processor. I think the recipe calls for 1/2 cup. I also added some soy grits. I "fried" my patty in a non stick skillet and just put all my favorite burger toppings on the bread. It was awesome!

Here's a graphic showing my nutritional info for the past month. I have averaged 1625 calories per day with 10% of the calories from fat.