Down 14 pounds (Day 31)

This has been a full, busy week. Almost a little too busy for me. I had meetings four evenings this week, but I came home from work and did my exercise, made dinner and went out again for my meetings. Lastnight I didn't have to go out so I enjoyed a sit down dinner and a movie before falling asleep in front of the TV about 9 PM, then dragging myself off to bed to sleep at 10:30PM. I slept in until 10AM this morning and boy did it feel good! But that's OK, I actually had some sleep I needed to catch up on due to a midnight trip to the emergency room on Wednesday night/Thursday morning ... nothing serious ... I'm fine.

Good news! Two more pounds gone, for a total of 14 pounds! And my blood sugar this morning was 102! I'm almost down to double digits! Yahoo! My eating is going good. I've still been logging everything, but I won't bore you with the details.

Tonight I came back from a worship service to find that my dear husband had brought home a Domino's pepperoni pizza. Geesh! Now, I have been trying to stay away from all things animal, but that pizza smelled really good. So ... I decided not to deny myself, which, if I know myself, and I think I do, would probably have set me up for a binge. I did, however research the nutritional information on line and received, with thanksgiving, two slices sans (that's french for without) pepperoni, making each slice 170 calories, instead of 210. This brought my calories for the day to 1466 with 10% of my calories from fat. I may be sorry in the morning when I check my blood sugar. Pizza, in the past, has been a real problem for my glucose levels. Of course I usually have four pieces and I only had two tonight, so hopefully it will be OK.

Feasting at the Lord's Table (Day 28)

I'm so excited about a Christian weight loss study that I found online. It's called The Lord's Table. The focus is not so much about weight loss as it is about feasting on the Lord and His word and seeking to be filled up with Him ... feeding our hungry heart and soul with the only thing that really satisfies ... The Bread of Life. This is so what I need. The program is a 60 day study. You get a mentor, someone who has already been through the program, and part of the study involves questions of accountability, which I know is something I really need. God is so good. I was thinking about wanting to start some sort of small group at church for people who struggle with food issues and googled "Christian weight loss Bible study" and there it was. Praise the Lord! I am so excited! If you're interested you can find it at http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/. I'm on Day 2. My mentor has emailed me twice already and is very encouraging.

OK ... today has been great! God woke me up at 5 am today. I asked if I could sleep in for another hour and got up at 6 am. Spent some time in Bible study/prayer. It's kinda funny how my devotions lately have been about discipline and self control. Is that God or what? I love what Joyce Meyer had to say about discipline on the 23rd: "Disciplined people submit their emotions to wisdom." And today about self control: "You can't buy discipline, but you have an inner ability to develop self-control. By spending time with God, you can be filled with His Spirit and controlled by His power to live a calm life with a well-balanced mind of discipline and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7) Good stuff!

Alright ... here's what I ate today ... actually I don't need to list it. I pretty much ate the exact same things as yesterday. Same breakfast, same lunch, same afternoon snack, same three course dinner, except that I also had cauliflower tonight in addition to the broccoli and carrots and for dessert I had blueberries instead of strawberries. And then I had the idea that it would be nice to have something to pour over the blueberries so I took some low fat vanilla soy milk, added some almond extract and a little sweetener and some xanthan gum and whipped it all up. Oh my goodness ... It was wonderful. You can find xanthan gum in health food stores. It is used as a thickener in sauces and salad dressings and as a fat substitute that adds the "mouth feel" of fat without the calories. All you need is some flavored vinegar and herbs of choice and a little xanthan gum to thicken it and voila ... cheap, home made non fat salad dressing. And now ... I have another used for it. I wish I had a picture of my wonderful dessert for you, but still no operational camera. Oh well ...

On the exercise front, it is going well. Did my walk aerobics again today. You can check out one of the walks here. I'm thinking about taking it up a notch and doing it in the morning as well as after work. I'll think on that some more.

Move over James Brown (Day 27)

Wahhhhhooooooow! I feel good ... na na na na na na na! I knew that I would, yeah ...

Move over James Brown there's a new kid in town singing your song! I do feel good today ... what a blessing! Pain has been at a minimum and fleeting, not persistent. I feel like doing a "happy dance" ... but I settled for walk aerobics. It was easier today. Some of the moves that I have, previously, had to modify, I was able to do. My pulse came back down to a resting level in under 5 minutes. That's a good thing.

I've been remiss in posting new recipe photos. I have actually made two new recipes in the last few days, but the camera batteries need to be charged. I'll have to get my husband to do that tonight. This is actually a picture of something I had about a week ago. Some yummy baby bok choy, sauteed (in water) with garlic and ginger and right before serving I sprinkled a little soy sauce and just a couple drops of toasted sesame oil on top. A little toasted sesame oil goes a long way flavor wise.

Tonight for dinner I had a three course meal. I started out with Tuscan Bean and Barley Salad (a new recipe), followed by a main course of steamed broccoli and carrots and finished off with a big bowl of fresh, plain strawberries.

Lunch was Black Eyed Peas and Spinach (also a new recipe) and breakfast was a couple plain baked (in the microwave) red potatoes. And, oh yeah, afternoon snack was a pear apple ... a papple? So far that puts my calories at 883 with 7% of calories coming from fat (7 grams). I have Bible study tonight and I might have a snack when I get back home. But I had a snack lastnight before bed and my fasting glucose this morning was 135. Back up a little. Probably should not have had a bananna that late ... too much sugar. I needed to eat something in order to take my anti inflammatory pill, which I have gotten off schedule with.

Maybe I'll just skip the pill tonight and get back on schedule for taking it with breakfast. Who knows ... I feel so good, I may not have to take it anymore at all! There will come a time, by the power of God, I know there will come a time when I can say "so long" to most, if not all, of my medication. For He is Jehovah Rapha ... the Lord who heals me. (Exodus 15:26)

Catching up (Day 26)

I haven't blogged all weekend, but don't worry, it's not because I've fallen off the wagon or anything. I've actually been feeling better this weekend and got outside of the house to do some running around. Nothing majorly exciting ... some shopping, "hors deouvres" at Costco, dinner out with family, a movie with my husband, and a wonderful time of worship at church with friends. I live a humble life, but a contented life. I've continued my exercising and healthy food choices. My blood sugar remains under control without medication and I have lost another 2 pounds, for a total of 14 pounds lost ... never again to be found ... gone forever! Yes ... life is good.

Dear hubby and I actually did hors deouvres at Costco twice this weekend ... Saturday and Sunday. I'm not sure how to count my calories for Saturday, but when I got home and tried to figure it out, I came up with about 500 calories worth of stuff (that processed food adds up fast)with probably 40% fat. Way too much fat! If I had really realized it at the time, let the information sink in on what I was doing, I think I would have stopped myself. It was just kind of a denial thing ...oh well ... it's only little pieces of food ... can't be much calories in it ... oh ... I'm eating it while I'm walking around the store ... I'm probably working it off ...denial, denial, denial.

This is what I had: 1 mini brownie with @ 1-2Tbsp. real vanilla ice cream; 1/4 quarter of a ham/cheese sandwich (there goes my vegan aspirations) on whole grain bread, no mayo; @ 2 tbsp of chinese chicken salad; @ 2 tbsp. mediterranean bean salad; 1/4 of a Gardenburger patty on 1/4 of a ciabatta roll; 6 Stacie's pita chips w/ @ 2 Tbsp. jalapeno artichoke dip; @ 2 Tbsp. cereal with 1Tbsp. milk. I think that's it.

I did much better on Sunday. I checked the nutritional information on all the samples I had and chose to have the following: 3 Stacie's pita chips with no dip (42 calories); 1/4 Gardenburger patty on 1/4 ciabatti roll (112 calories).

We also went out to dinner with my beautiful and talented daughter and dashing son in law on Sunday evening. We went to Chevy's and this time I checked out their nutritional info on line before going. Good thing too. If I hadn't I may have been taken in by something healthy sounding like Portobello Mushroom and Asparagus Fajitas ... grilled veggies ... must be good, right?! Wrong! Not hardly at 922 calories and 42 grams fat! Not to mention 2883 mg. of sodium. And that's not even counting the tortillas you want to wrap the stuff in. Their el machino tortillas will add another 167 calories and 4 grams fat for each one.

This is what I chose, in advance, and even wrote down on a piece of paper and took with me. I tell you, writing it down really helps me ... like making a binding contract with myself: Mixed Baby Greens Salad (no dressing), side order of black beans, 3 corn tortillas and salsa. And this is what I did ... I wrapped the beans up inside the tortillas, laid them on top of the salad, poured a little salsa over all, along with the leftover bean "juice" and voila ... a wonderful black bean enchilada salad all for about 450 calories.

The one unplanned addition was some guacamole. They make it for you table side and we ordered it as an appetizer. I did not have any deep fat fried tortilla chips, but allowed myself 1 Tbsp. of guacamole to top off my Black Bean Enchilada Salad masterpiece at an addition of 22 calories. I am still beaming with pride over my smart choices (taking a minute here to pat myself on the back).

I know, however, the true reason I was able to make the choices that I did is because I asked God to help me ... to give me wisdom for good choices and strength to fight temptation. Yes ... greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4) ... of dining out. That is the key to all success. It's not me ... it's me seeking Him and allowing His spirit to direct me ("... not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty." -- Zechariah 4:6) ... His Holy Spirit that He loves to pour out on His children when they ask. (Luke 11:13)

Keepin' on' Keepin on ... (Day 23)

Got up a little earlier and had a good time with the Lord this morning. That always helps to start the day out right. I had made a pot of Three Bean Chili lastnight, so I knew lunch was set. For breakfast I had ...what else ... Oat and Banana Muffins. For lunch I added a tomato, green bean and onion salad side, with fat free balsamic vinigrette, to the chili. Even got my husband to eat some. He told me he's not adverse to the taste of beans, it's the effect of beans he dislikes. Afternoon snack was some rice cakes. Dinner was more chili over brown rice and some grilled zucchini and onions. Dessert was a plum. Total calories for day 1370 with 7% of calories from fat (less than 13 grams fat).

After work I did my Walk Aerobics exercise DVD again. Only did 3/4 of a mile today. I cut it short due to pain, although pain-wise today was a pretty good day overall.

Nothing much remarkable to report today. I'm just keepin' on keepin on' ... by the grace of God. Now that ... (God's grace) is remarkable.

12 pounds lighter (Day 22)

It seems like it took forever to lose 2 more pounds ... 10 loooong days. I was beginning to get discouraged. And yet, when I began this, I said that it was not going to be about the weight loss. It was going to be an exercise in discipline, a result of which would be weight loss and regained health, but the focus was to be on the spiritual; of bringing my eating habits in line with scripture; of passionately pursuing God and His will for me.

I have strayed. I have spent too much time on the scale and not enough time in scripture. I confessed to a friend today that I had neglected my morning devotion for the past few days. I don't know why, but when I miss it in the morning I just seem to miss it all day. There's no reason why I can't have a quiet time with God in the afternoon or early evening, I just don't take the time. I haven't disciplined myself to do so. I obviously haven't disciplined myself for the morning either. And it's not that I haven't talked to Him for days ... I talk to Him the moment I arise and spend time talking to Him throughout the day and before I fall asleep. It's those intentional, quiet, fully conscious times, however, that are so very important for listening ... for slowing down and hearing His voice.

So, after my confession, my friend urged me to go home and spend some time with God and that's just what I did. And you know what? He was there ... waiting ... no recriminations ... no judgment ... just love and acceptance, as there always is, so why do I stray? There is no place in the world that I would rather be than in His presence ... when I'm there. There is no voice sweeter to hear than His Holy Spirit whispering to my soul. There is no food more satisfying than chewing on the "meat" of Scripture. So why don't I do it more?! Today in the Gospel of John I read the words of Jesus: "My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." (John 4:34) Wow! I wanna be like Jesus!

After that I exercised (third day in a row again!) and did the full mile like yesterday. I hope to work up to 2 miles in a couple weeks. I am taking it real slow, not wanting to overdo and do any damage. By the way ... pain meter on a scale of 1-10 today is about a 2 ... that's good ... that's real good. There have been some minor objections from certain parts of my body, but nothing's screaming ... yeah!

Ok ... so, here's my food log: Breakfast -- Banana Oat Muffins; Lunch -- Dilly Potato Salad (pictured); Afternoon snack -- rice cakes; Dinner -- Sweet potato and green beans. It's 8:30 Pm and I just finished dinner about an hour ago, so I don't think I'll be having anything else tonight. As it is I've only had 956 calories today with 7% of the calories coming from fat. That probably really is not enough calories, but I'm not going to stuff myself just to satisfy some numbers. I figure it will just, hopefully, make up for my over indulgence on Monday.

Size Does Matter (Day 21)

So I sat down to this scrumptious lunch today ... starving ... picked up a tostada and had it positioned, ready to chow down on and my husband says, "What ... no picture?" So I had to dash for the camera and snap off a picture. It does look good, doesn't it?! So good I was going to eat it without sharing ... so you can thank my husband for the photo.

And that's just my lunch ... this isn't service for two ... uh uh ... both those babies are mine. Two ... count 'em ... two tostadas. That's a lot of food for only 325 calories. I love seeing a lot of food on my plate. It helps to stave off the feeling of deprivation. Size does matter, ladies. Portion size, that is. Get your minds outta the gutter! I like large portions. And when you're eating a low-fat vegetarian diet, you can have large portions because the calories are so much less than the standard American diet. For instance, I had two bean tostadas for lunch while my husband had two roast beef sandwiches on whole wheat hamburger buns. My lunch 325 calories. His lunch, double that (at least). It didn't look like he had any more food than I did. In fact, his small hamburger bun sandwiches were dwarfed by my 6-inch tortillas, but his lunch was at least twice the calories of mine. Give me beans over beef any day! I'm not totally vegatarian at this point, as I did have fish on Sunday. I do hope, however, to actually get to and move past vegetarian to vegan (no animal products whatsoever).

I exercised today (yesterday too!). I was able to do the full mile of my "Miracle Mile" walk aerobics DVD. Funny thing ... for about 1 1/2 hours after exercising I felt good ... almost no pain. Now ... pain is back. Today my legs are killing me, though I generally ache, pretty much, all over. I didn't cry today, so it's not as bad as yesterday. I ended up taking a muscle relaxant lastnight. May have to do the same tonight.

This was my breakfast today. Home made oatmeal pancakes with a fresh strawberry sauce on top (recipe below). Yum!!! Dinner was a baked potato, broccoli and baby bokchoy with garlic. My afternoon snack at the office was a handful of dry roasted soy nuts. And it's been a couple hours since dinner, so I'm thinking about dessert. I still have some calories in the bank today. Hmmm ... what sounds good?

Oatmeal Pancakes
1 serving

Ingredients: 1/2 cup oatmeal (regular, not quick cooking); 1/2 banana; 1/4 cup silken light tofu; 1/4 cup soy milk; 1/8 - 1/4 cup water; 1/4 tsp. cinnamon; 1/4 tsp. nutmeg; 1/8 tsp. olive oil (If you want your pancakes a little sweeter, you can add some sugar or sweetener too. I actually used about 8 drops of liquid stevia.)

Directions: Place all ingredients (except olive oil) in blender, holding back 1/8 cup water, and blend until smooth. Add the remaining water, as necessary, to thin batter. Spread olive oil over the surface of a nonstick pan and heat until water drops "bounce" across the surface. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

Nutritional info: 270 calories, 5 g fat, 45 g carbohydrates, 6 g fiber, 12 g protein.

Is there life without chocolate? (Day 20)

Yes, of course, you can live without chocolate, but would you want to?! What kind of quality of life can there be without the occasional indulgence? I pondered this question as I stood in line at Trader Joe's ... right where their 3-packs of chocolate bars are. They say a little chocolate is good for you, right? ... full of healthy flavanoids. I thought perhaps I should bring some of this miracle food home ... purely for medicinal reasons of course. My cart was full of organic fruits and veggies, rice cakes, corn tortillas, Better'n Peanut Butter (love that stuff!), fruit spread and canned beans. I was talking myself into it rather fast, when my husband came in ... drat!

Oh well ... I thought it was for the best. I don't know that I would have been able to limit myself to a "medicinal" portion each day. The scene probably would have played out this way ... one bar as soon as I got home, another later in the evening and the last one for breakfast the next morning. Then I remembered that I did have about half a bag of some vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips in the fridge, leftover from some months ago. Being semi-sweet, they weren't so tempting. If they had been milk chocolate chips ... well ... there never would have been any leftovers. Anyway, I had the idea that I could layer some Better'n Peanut butter on a rice cake, microwave some semi-sweet chocolate chips and spread on top. My mouth was watering at the thought and I couldn't wait to get home and try it.

At home, I read the label of the package of chocolate chips: 70 calories for 1 Tbsp. (15 grams). I have a scale that measures in ounces or grams, so I measured out 7 grams of chips. I spread about 1 tbsp. Better'n Peanut Butter on my waiting rice cake and put the chips in a microwaveable dish and nuked them for about 30 seconds. I used a rubber spatula, so as not to miss a drop, and spread the melted chocolate on top of the rice cake. I didn't even wait for it to cool off ... oh my ... my taste buds were doing the happy dance. Wow! Only 120 calories of bliss! I had a second one for evening snack, after dinner. That was Sunday. Dinner, by the way, was eating out at Applebee's. I chose their Cajun Tilapia on the WW menu.

So yesterday... my day off ... I spent most of the day just lazing around 'cause I was in so much pain. Well ... lazing around between cleaning house, doing laundry, packing up merchandise to ship from my online antique business and fixing my dear husband breakfast and packing his lunch. I don't know what is going on with me. I'm in a lot of pain today too. I went home for lunch and just sat in the recliner (after fixing my husband's lunch) and cried, I'm in so much pain. But I digress ...

So yesterday I decided to have my little chocolate rice cake concoction again. And again, it was wonderful ... and the second time, even more wonderful ... and the third time ... and the fourth time ... and ... well ... you get the idea. Being in pain is a condition that makes me want to eat continuously as it is ... put chocolate into the picture and I was a maniac ...a chocolate chip melting, rice cake spreading maniac.

Today's a new day ... praise the Lord! I've done well so far: muffins for breakfast, potato salad and a beet for lunch. There's still some chocolate chips left, though. Not enough to do any damage today ... maybe one or two rice cakes worth.

Off my diabetes medication (Day 17)

My blood sugar this morning was 111! Down 99 points from where I started. Since it was in the normal range (80-115) I didn't take my Glipizide. If it continues to stay down without medication I can kiss the Glipizide goodbye ... for good! One less pill is a good thing.

I had to take a muscle relaxant lastnight for my neck and back. My shoulder's been giving me some more pain as well. The doctor said I have adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder). Yet another fringe benefit of diabetes ... courtesy of high blood sugar. That diagnosis came a few weeks ago and it has gotten better, though not completely.

This was dinner tonight: baked potato (about 5 oz.), green beans and Southwestern Beans (pictured). Breakfast was oat bananna muffins. Lunch was a large sliced beet (steamed lastnight), cantaloupe and a couple more muffins. For a snack I had rice cakes with Better'n peanut butter and fruit spread (a couple times!). Total calories today: 1486 with 11% of calories from fat.

No more fear! (Day 15 )

All my life, or as far back as I can remember, I have been afraid of dying. That's a heck of a way to live your life. Now, as a Christian, knowing that my eternity is in the hands of God, and that I'll be spending it with Him, I don't fear being dead ... being absent from the body, because as the Apostle Paul said to be absent from the body is to be present with Christ.

I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I still have some fear of the transition. The not knowing how or when ... no ...that's not it ... it's the thought that it will happen at any time ... like right now. I just finished exercising (For the third day in a row--yeah!) and have these twinges in my chest and a pain between my shoulder blades. But that's nothing new. I have been having chest pains since I was a teenager, perhaps even before that. I remember when I was 24 --and weighed much less --one summer I, my husband and daughter went to Yosemite. I was afraid to walk the one mile from the shuttle to Mirror Lake because I thought I would have a heart attack. I finally realized, recently, that this fear was instilled in me as a child ... when I witnessed my father having a heart attack.

Funny how things that happen to us as children can screw us up for life. No ... not for life ... not anymore! I am sick and tired of living in fear and I will not do it anymore! Do you hear me, devil?! No more. You are outta here. God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear ... (Psalm 46:1-2)

Started exercising (Day 13)

OK, so I did some emotional eating lastnight. I don't really know why. I didn't feel particularly agitated. I felt pretty blessed, especially by a couple incidences yesterday. But there was also one thing that happened that caused me to feel a little rejected ... old tapes from the past started to play, but I thought I squelched them. I figured it was emotional eating because I wasn't particularly hungry, I just kept eating. I kept making good food choices all the while I snacked ... all throughout the evening. Anyway... it's done ... over. Today is a new day.

Breakfast was oat and banana muffins ... again. I don't think I will ever get tired of them. Oatmeal is right up there on the satiety index with potatoes as one of the most satisfying, keeps you full longer, foods.

Lunch was Garbanzo Guacamole on corn thins and carrots with Chick Cheeze dip. Snack was more corn thins and a nectarine.

I was feeling a little agitated when I got home and I didn't want to have a repeat of lastnight, so I had to bring out the big guns ... exercise. I figured I needed to get some endorphins going to help my attitude and help curb my appetite. So I broke out my walk aerobic DVD and did 1/2 mile. Two years ago I could do 2 miles, no problem ... that was two years ago. This is now ... new program. I have been doing no exercise whatsoever, so I'm going to work into it slowly. I figured this is good for starters. My problem is going to be consistency.

Dinner was a baked potato topped with salsa with a pile of brussel sprouts (picured). Total calories today: 1395 with 10% of calories coming from fat.

10 pounds lighter! (Day 12)

I know I shouldn't weigh myself more than once a week, but I just couldn't help it. I'm glad I did ... down 10 pounds in 12 days! Yahoo! And my blood sugar ... down even more. This morning it was 120. Down from 142 just a couple days ago and down from the 210 it was just 12 days ago. Good stuff. And the food I have been eating is incredible. Simple, pure, minimally processed whole healthy foods ... I don't think food has ever tasted so good in my life. I kid you not.

Another victory dining out! (Day 11)

Today began with another wonderful time of worship with my church family. I almost didn't go. My back was hurting so much and I couldn't remember if I took my anti inflammatory or not when I ate my breakfast, which, by the way, was rice cakes with Better'n Peanut Butter and fruit spread. It's a once a day pill, so I just had to do without. I don't think I took it, but I couldn't take the risk of the overdose if I did ... but I don't think I did ... anyway ...

I really didn't want to miss church so I got in the shower, just in case ... and asked God to ease the pain so that I could go. And He did. And I did. And it was good.

Had a late lunch out with my hubby and son in law. My daughter is away on business right now. We went to Olive Garden. I did my research online before we went and decided what I would order. From their "Garden Fare" low fat selections I chose: Minestrone Soup (100 calories, 1.5 g fat, 3 g fiber) and Linguine ala Marinara with whole wheat pasta(430 calories, 6 g fat, 9 g fiber).

The guys wanted to order an appetizer, but I whined ... no ... I asserted my concern that I didn't want to be tempted by an appetizer and would appreciate it if they did not order one. They did not and I was glad. I did have just one breadstick, which I did not write on my list, but I rubbed the butter off the top of it. I thought that choice was OK. I also had some grilled veggies off my husband's plate that he wasn't going to eat anyway.

Next time I'll ask them to add some onions, mushrooms and bell peppers to the linguine. I had forgotten that I had asked them to do that before. They're good about that, and there's no extra charge for it.

Since that was a late lunch, we didn't really have dinner. I had a snack in the evening ... a new recipe, Garbanzo Guacamole, on guess what ... rice cakes! This was delish! I didn't take a picture because it wasn't too visually appealing, but it more than made up for it in taste. So simple too!

Garbanzo Guacamole

Ingredients: 1 can garbanzo beans, drained (reserve some liquid); 1 Tbsp. lemon juice; 1/2 small onion, chopped; 1 medium or large tomato, diced; 1 clove garlic, minced.

Directions: Mash garbanzo beans with potato masher, add remaining ingredients and mix. Add some of the reserved liquid as needed to smooth out mixture. (You could also use a food processor and pulse ingredients until combined. Mine needed washing and I was feeling lazy.)

In pain and doped up (Day 10)

11:00 AM

This is turning out to be a very difficult day. I am in so much pain it is almost unbearable. I suppose if it was totally unbearable, I could possibly pass out from the pain ... that may be something to look forward to. I've taken a muscle relaxant and the vicodin is calling my name. I'll give it a little more time before I decide to give in. If I take a pain pill on top of the muscle relaxant, which was on top of the anti-inflammatory I already take daily, I can just kiss the day goodbye ... stick a fork in me and call me done.

I didn't post yesterday because I was in much pain lastnight and not feeling well after work. Lasnight it was my legs ... today it's my neck. I'm a wreck (rhyme not intended). This is prime territory for a binge ... for trying to seek some soft, yummy, fat-laden, sugar-filled food opiate to throw myself into and just wallow away the day.

I just have to tell myself that no food tastes as good as healthy feels. Of course, I'm not sure that I even know what healthy feels like ... I'm sure not feeling it now. Though I may be healthier than I was 10 days ago, this still, really sucks. And it may suck for awhile. I have gotten myself into a real hole here by the way I have ravaged my body all these many years. No one to blame but myself ... and I do. But God's word speaks to me, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

Yes, my sins have all been forgiven ... even the gluttony (ouch!) which has brought me to this place. But I still suffer with the consequences that are not so easily erased. And, so, I shall hold on to the promise that He shall complete the good work He has started in me. (Philippians 3:6) This will be my comfort food today ... the living, breathing word of God.

Prayer Closet

I step into my prayer closet
Every morning without fail,
For I need to meet my Father
Where He waits within the veil.

Rewarding me each time I seek Him,
Blessing me beyond compare,
Knowing He is always waiting
In our secret place of prayer.

In this place I fear no judgment,
But with tender love, concern
He waits to bring me warmth and light
When from my sinful ways I turn.

Separated from distractions
It is here that our wills marry;
He reveals Himself to me:
This heart of mine, His sanctuary.

There is no sweeter place on earth,
Blessed with all He has to give;
With my faithful, loving Lord,
My prayer closet is where I live.

Copyright © 2008 by Jennifer Welsh
August 9, 2008

10:00 PM -- Time for Bed

I was able to get through the day without the vicodin ... thank you, Lord. He always gets me through. I just kind of grazed through the day ... snacks here and there ... then had dinner and an evening snack. Total calories for the day about 1200. Here's a graphic showing the breakdown of my nutritional info for the past week. I have averaged 1420 calories a day with 9% of my total calories from fat. That's as good as Dr. Dean Ornish's diet to reverse heart disease. I must be getting healthier!

Down from 210 to 142! (Day 8)

From 210 down to 142 ... Yahoo! No ... not my weight. Don't I wish! These numbers represent my fasting glucose from the past week ... down 68 points all due to the way I have been eating. This is a success! This is the way to health. In a couple weeks I am sure I will be able to stop taking Glipizide (an oral Type 2 Diabetes medication) entirely. The scale did also have good news for me this morning ... down 4 pounds this week.

Today's food featured a nectarine sundae for breakfast: 1 nectarine cut in half with 6 oz. of low fat, sugar free yogurt spooned over the top and sprinkled with 1/4 cup of grape nuts, for about 200 calories.

Lunch was an "eggless" salad sandwich with pretzels and pineapple rings (pictured) for about 250 calories. I had more "eggless" salad on rice cakes for afternoon snack with my girlfriends in the office. The recipe got their thumbs up, so I have included it below.

Dinner was, for the third night in a row, baked potato with creamed corn and a side of green beans for about 275 calories. Evening snack was pretzels and a chocolate shake!

How'd I swing a shake, you ask? Here's how: 1 frozen banana, 8 oz. low fat soy milk, 1 tbsp. Wonderslim fat free cocoa (available at Raleys and Harvest House) and 8 drops stevia for 211 cool, frosty calories... Yummy, oh my yes!

Eggless Salad

Ingredients: 1 pkg. Mori Nu lite silken tofu (firm); 1 stalk finely chopped celery; 1/4 cup fat free mayonnaise; 2Tbsp. chopped onion; 2 tsp. apple cider vinegar; 2 tsp. dried chives; 1 tsp. mustard; 1/2 tsp. tumeric; 1/4 tsp. onion powder; 1/4 tsp. garlic powder; 1/4 tsp. dill weed; 1/8 tsp. salt

Directions: Mash the tofu in a medium bowl with a fork or potato masher until finely crumbled. Add the remaining ingredients and mix well. Chill at least 2 hours before serving to allow the flavors to mix and develop. Makes approx. 2/14 cups. Nutritional info for 1/8 cup serving: 24 calories; 2 g carbohydrates; 3 g protein; .2 g fat (11% fat overall)

What day is it?

Today has been kind of a rough day. Started out good ... great time with God and a yummy breakfast (muffins again), but now I'm fading. Have had a lot of pain for the major part of the day. Headache ... shoulder pain ... leg pain (yet a new pain, folks ... what's up with that?!) ... back pain, always ... anyway ... a prime situation for an emotional eating extravaganza. A week ago you probably would have found me at the bottom of a bag of chips (big bag of chips) about now. But ... nope ... not gonna do it. My body is satisfied. Is it filled with low-fat, complex carbs and my leptin is alive and well.

*A Lesson on Leptin
Leptin is an appetite surpressing hormone. It's name comes from the Greek leptos, which means thin. It is produced in your body by fat cells and released when these cells sense that you have more than enough nourishment coming in. Then, it does two things: it travels to your brain to let it know to reduce your appetite and it boosts your metabolism and encourages the cells of your body to burn calories more quickly. I like leptin ... leptin is good. However, excessive dieting can hinder its effectiveness. So, if you go on an extremely low calorie diet, causing your body to think it's starving, your fat cells will quickly slow down their leptin production. Another behavior that interferes with leptin is eating high fat foods. Researchers believe that a low-fat, plant based diet helps keep leptin levels up while fatty foods suppress leptin. So rice, beans, vegetables, fruits and anything else that is close to fat free will give you a leptin boost ... like most of the foods I have been eating. (*information source, "Breaking the Food Seduction" by Neal Barnard, M.D.)

I knew that reading would come in handy one day ... well ... that's my lesson for the day..

Lunch was rice cakes with bean dip (pictured above) ... another new yummy! I just took a can of fat free vegetarian refried beans and added: 1/4 tsp. garlic, 1/4 tsp. cumin, 1/4 tsp. chili power. Mixed it all up and layered it on with tomtoes, onions and mild green chilis.

Dinner was this luscious looking plate: baked potato topped with creamed corn and green beans on the side. Potatoes are like Mary Poppins ... practically perfect in every way. They contain all the protein and amino acids required to sustain human life and are a food that scores the highest on the satiety index. Just watch what you put on them. I "creamed" the corn by blending half the can with its liquid and then mixing it back with the whole kernals and adding 4 drops of stevia for sweetness. I poured some non fat, non butter substitute on top of both items, sprinkled garlic on the green beans and hello comfort food.

Food Goals (Day 6)

It was muffins with The Master again this morning, plus a nectarine (about 265 calories). Yum! Lunch was a roller sandwich. I love these things. This picture shows you how it looked before it was rolled up. The after picture was blurry. This has got about 1 Tbsp. of WW Cream Cheese (1 point--although I am not following the point system), some of my spinach dip, tomatoes, red onions, romaine, and red peppers ... all for about 200 calories. Oh my gosh, it was wonderful. With a large steamed beet, lunch was about 250 calories.

Snacked on raw veggies during the afternoon at work (about 50 calories). Came home and had another snack of rice cakes with Better'N Peanut Butter and fruit spread. I was feeling a little agitated and needed a healthy "comfort" food and PBJ or rather BPBF, in this case, is one of my comfort foods. I figure I'm at about 795 calories so far today. So I'm looking good. I guess I haven't yet shared my daily food goals with you. Here they are:

Daily Food Goals

Calories: Not less than 1200/not more than 1800
Fat: no more than 15% of total calories from fat
Protein: No more than 20% calories from protein
Carbohydrates: 65%
Fiber: not less than 30 grams fiber
Sodium: no more than 1500 mg. (this is the one that kills me)
Water: 8- 10 glasses



This is what I consider a healthy, balanced diet, based upon the research I have done. Carbs have gotten a bad rap, but the truth is carbohydrates are our bodies primary source of energy and our brain's food of choice ... complex carbohydrates that is, like whole grains, beans, vegetables, nuts and seeds. The latter, however are full of fat and should be used sparingly.

Also, I set my fiber goal at not less than 30 mg. but most days I will get more than that. It's not hard to do when you're eating mostly vegetables, fruits and starches/grains. Most people, however, don't even get 12-13 mg per day, and their colons are suffering for it. Just call me Fiber Girl! I can't stress enough the benefits of fiber in your diet. One word of caution, however, increase your fiber intake very slowly. A sudden increase can cause problems ... been there, done that, ugh!

Dining Out with victory

I went out to dinner tonight with my sister ... to the chinese buffet. Now ... I knew we were going to do this, so I prepared myself. I wrote down on paper exactly what I was going to allow myself to choose from the buffet. I made a pact with myself that I would not eat anything that was not on the paper. So what do you think the outcome was?! (Drum roll, please.) I DID IT! Victory ... yes! I had a couple pieces of sushi, baked salmon, rice and veggies, no dessert! Can I get an atta girl?!

When dining out at the buffet in the past, I have set out with the best of intentions and talked to myself about good choices and how I would stick to them, but, somehow, it all seems to go by the wayside when confronted with ... well ... coconut shrimp ... egg rolls ... pot stickers ... Peking pork ... sweet and sour chicken ... french fries. Tell me why is it that chinese buffets always have french fries?! Anyway ... I really think the list helped.

Victory at the Chinese Buffet
I will be victorious
Tonight, when I go out to eat.
I can do all things through Him,
And so, I do not fear defeat.

I have made a covenant;
A binding contract with myself.
I will choose only those foods
That will assist me to good health.

I am armed and well prepared
With my God-inspired list,
And any food that is not shown
Will not make it to my dish.

I'll allow no substitutes;
No legal loopholes will I find.
No amount of temptation
Will cause me to change my mind.

Copyright © 2008 by Jennifer Welsh
August 4, 2008

Taking it easy (Day 5)

This is a yummy snack I had on Saturday. Healthy, homemade spinach dip on a rice cake with carrots chips and more spinach dip to, well, dip 'em in.


One of the problems with being the only one in your household trying to change eating habits and choose healthy, whole, nutritious foods, is that when you make a batch of something, for instance this spinach dip which makes 4 cups, you're going to be eating it for days. Either that, or freezing some, which is handy, but this really would not freeze well at all. So ... I had my rice cake and spinach snack a couple times on Saturday, again on Sunday and I even had it for breakfast this morning ... no lie, along with a couple muffins. This also makes a great vegetarian sandwich spread on whole grain bread with romaine, tomatoes, onions, and sliced red peppers. Here's the recipe:

Spinach Dip

Ingredients:
1 pkg. (10 oz.) Mori Nu Silken Firm Light Tofu; 1/2 pkg. frozen spinach, thawed and drained; 1/2 cup fat free mayonnaise; 1/4 cup dehydrated vegetable flakes (Winco has these in the bulk food bins); 1 small can water chestnuts, chopped; 3 Tbsp. nutritional yeast; 1 Tbsp. lemon juice; 1Tbsp. Tamari (or other) soy sauce; 1 tsp. onion powder; 1/2 tsp. salt

Instructions:
Place all ingredients, except water chestnuts, in the bowl of your food processor. Process in pulses until combined. Empty into bowl and stir in chopped water chestnuts. Chill for at least one hour before serving. Makes @ 4 cups.

Nutritional Info per 1/4 cup serving:
35 Calories, 5 g carbohydrates, 1.3 g fiber, 3.3 g protein, .3 g fat (that's less than 3 calories from fat)


I'm taking it easy today. Mondays are a day off, so I usually spend them doing laundry (gotta get to that soon) and some house cleaning. I baked another batch of banana oat muffins this morning to get me through the next few days. Brewed a big pot of green tea (decaffeinated) to make a pitcher of iced tea ... full of antioxidants. Spent some time with God ... the most important thing of every day. Read through 1 Peter. That was a good read. Finished a poem I started yesterday. Wrote another new one ... short, but sweet.

Muffins with My Master
Muffins with my Master:
A breakfast so divine;
One of my very favorites;
An outstanding way to dine.

This "Breakfast of Champions"
Begins my day just right;
The food ... healthy and yummy,
The discussion ... a delight.

Copyright © 2008 by Jennifer Welsh
August 4, 2008

Our God is an Awesome God! (Day 4)

Another great day! Fell asleep lastnight singing love songs to God. When I got up this morning, He was the first thing on my mind. His word was upon my lips and the inspiration for a poem was already coming over me. Spent some time in prayer and devotion and was further inspired to begin another poem, still in the works as of yet. Had a yummy breakfast, as you can see by the picture. This was yesterday's muffins, which I heated and drizzled some fat free un-butter spread and pure maple syrup on. That's only 1 tsp. of maple syrup folks. A mere 16 calories. A little of the real thing goes a loooooong way. Total calories approximately 212. That, along with a fruit cup with yogurt dressing brings breakfast to less than 300 calories.

Then I got ready and went to church and got my socks blessed off! JC was in the house! An inspired, anointed message, worshipful music and great fellowship. Spent the rest of the day with my dear husband. We did hor deouvres at the Costco food carts, pretty much our regular Sunday outing, then went out to Best Buy so he could visit the new camcorder he's been drooling over for the past couple months. Then back home for some computer time trying to perfect my morning inspiration. That was followed by a wonderful dinner at Chevy's with my beautiful daughter and son-in-law, then out to the movies with hubby and now back home. Almost a perfect day except for the little tiff we had at the movies. OK ... yeah ... I was pretty much being a brat. We did, however, make up before we came home ... but you don't need the details of that.

Anyway ... I went back and forth trying to decide what I would order at dinner that would be in keeping with healthy eating. I usually order the Super Cinco ... five, count 'em, five items with rice and beans for $12.69! What a deal. Of course, I always have leftovers. That's one of the things I like most. I didn't want any leftovers this time, though ... nothing carried over to tomorrow to tempt me to then carry over to the next day and then, well, you get the picture. I abstained entirely from the deep fried homemade tortilla chips and salsa, quite a feat for me, and chose the Portobello and Asparagus Burrito. And you know what? I had to bring it home. After eating the rice and beans it came with, which was after I ate my 1/4 portion of the appetizer we ordered, I was full. Total calories: who knows ... who cares ... it was a special night out with family. And that, my friends, is priceless.

Today I Started Exercising
(Feel the Burn)

Today I started exercising,
And, I'll tell you, it feels great.
First, I exercised will power
As I pushed away my plate.

Then, I exercised my eyes
As I watched the morning news.
Next, I exercised patience
When the dog chewed up my shoes.

I exercised freedom of speech
When, in haste, I stubbed my toe.
Yeah, my lungs got quite a work out
After that ill-fated blow.

I stretched my creativity
Working out these humble rhymes,
Yeah, I really felt the burn
Searching rhyme.com online.

I exercised my neck and shoulders
When, in prayer, I bowed my head
And spent some time talking to God,
Before I napped, upon my bed.

This gave my brain a real work out:
A crossword and some Scrabble.
A triple word score victory
Was mine for "psychobabble."

I'm sure all my neurotransmitters
Were on overdrive.
I sensed synapses strengthening;
Who needs aerobicize?!

This exercising isn't bad,
Yes, this fact I can avow.
Why, I'm exercising muscles
In my arms and fingers now.

I've been training all day long,
My energy is zapped.
I think I'll exercise some zzzzz's
Right now and take another nap.

Copyright © 2008 by Jennifer Welsh
August 3, 2008

The end of a good day

It's just about time to go to bed. I feel myself fading. Just wanted to upload the chart of my nutrition data for today. This is from a nifty program called Diet Power. I love it. I just input what I eat and it figures all the info for me. A great tool to keep on track. It's also good for calculating the nutritional information of home made recipes, which I do a lot of when I'm eating healthy. I love creating new dishes and revamping old ones, making them less fat, more nutritious. Anyway ... today was a good day. Started out spending time with God, kept the lines of communication open pretty much all day as I did my household tasks. In fact, as I stood at the sink washing dishes I fancied myself like Brother Lawrence practicing the presence of God. I finished a poem I started lastnight ...read through Philippians again from the Living Bible. Wow! Stayed on track with healthy eating. Yes, life is good. And now to bed.

Kickin' it at home (Day 3)

This is last night's "fast food" dinner. Better than anything you'll get from McD's or Taco Bell! Black Beans and rice and mixed veggies. Yum ...black beans have got to be one of my favorite foods. So good for you, so low in fat, so satisfying. I love them with just a little salt, garlic powder and cumin sprinkled on top. The fast part was just opening up the can, throwing them on top of some pre-cooked, frozen rice and pairing with some frozen mixed veggies. Three minutes in the microwave and I was in healthy food heaven. I added the chopped tomatoes and red onion after the microwave. Yum! This was my biggest meal of the day at about 450 calories. Kept me full all night, which was good 'cause I didn't get to bed early as I had hoped.


Here's this morning's breakfast. Home baked oat and bananna muffins (my original recipe). Along with the fruit and yogurt, breakfast was about 300 calories.

Today I've just been hanging around the house cleaning out cupboards, planning meals, prepping food ... setting myself up for success.

Oat and Banana Muffins

Ingredients: 2 banannas, mashed; 1/2 cup oatmeal; 1/2 cup soymilk; 1/4 cup oat bran; 1/4 cup soy grits; 1/4 cup garbanzo bean flour; 1/4 cup Splenda (or other sugar alternative); 2 Tbsp. water; 1 tsp. cinnamon; 1 tsp. baking powder; 1/4 tsp. vanilla

Instructions: Preheat oven to 325 degrees farenheit. Mix all dry ingredients together in bowl. Mix all wet ingredients together in separate bowl. Combine the two bowls together and mix until all ingredients are combined. Do not over mix. Fill non stick muffin tin and bake for 15-18 minutes until done.

Notes: My heart muffin tin holds about 3 tbsp. of mix per muffin and I get 12 cute little heart muffins. If you are using a larger muffin tin, you will probably get 6 regular size muffins and will have to vary the time accordingly.These are very dense muffins. Bob's Red Mill makes garbanzo bean flour and it is available, as well as the soy grits, at Harvest House in Concord and, most likely, other health food stores. I added the garbanzo bean flour because it adds a sweet, nutty taste, as well as providing great protein.

Going strong! (Day 2)

8 PM and all is well! I finished dinner about an hour ago. I think I'll go to bed about 9 PM and do without an evening snack tonight. I am trying to eat 4-5 small meals each day to help rev my metabolism and keep my blood sugar on an even keel. MyHBA1C is way too high. I've been in denial too long. I lost 60 pounds a few years back, but have now gained back 40. Some would look at my dieting history and say that just proves that I can't do it myself ... I should opt for surgery. I say just the opposite. I've done it before and I will do it again ... by God's grace I will do it again and even better. When and if He tells me to submit to gastric bypass surgery, which I have considered, I'll shall do it. Until then I'm going the same route that gave me results before ... just eating healthy and incorporating exercise. The exercise, however, is still in the planning stage.

Anyway ... the one different thing this time is that I'm going public. Thus, the blog. I'm letting it all hang out. I am going to be painfully real with my struggles and telling all with my triumphs! And I am planning on more of the latter.

The other significant difference is that this time I am endeavoring to focus on God and have this be an exercise or a discipline of bringing my will in line with His in every aspect of my life, not just with food ... paying more attention to the spiritual, rather than the physical. The obvious result will be that I will lose weight, but I am hoping for other, perhaps not so obvious changes. Changes He will bring about as I seek to become more like Christ.

Another fringe benefit, it seems, is that poetry has just been pouring outa me today. I have written 5 poems in the last 24 hours. That beats my record of 4 poems in one day in October 2006! I've included one for you below. I hope you enjoy it.

Before that, though, I have to tell you about my lunch photo (above). It actually was the inspiration for the poem below. A luscious turkey sandwich (yes, with fat free mayo!) with romaine, tomatoes (from my dear husband's garden), red onion and sliced red peppers on whole grain bread with a piece of canteloupe and sliced beets (freshly steamed lastnight and chilled)with honey mustard sauce. Yum!!! Calorie count: somewhere around 350 calories ... if I ate the whole thing, which I didn't. I saved half the sandwich for an afternoon snack.

Hurray for Leftovers!

Today for the first time in I don’t know when
I left some food on my plate;
A huge feat for me, the first of its kind,
An achievement to celebrate.

A whole half a sandwich, I kid you not,
It just sat there whilst I decided
The first half had been quite yummy enough
And my hunger, for now, had subsided.

Hearing my mother’s voice from the past
I admit I was tempted to finish;
All of those starving children ... you've heard it,
Her ploy to make food diminish.

And how stuffing my face could help anyone
She could never quite answer that
Just, “Clean you plate!” is all I remember,
Now, a habit that helped make me fat.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming mom
Nor do I intend to insult
I, alone, am responsible, now
A consenting, consuming adult.

And, today, I chose to leave food on my plate
And this time will not be the last;
I’m taking charge, now, through the power of God
And breaking free from the past.

Copyright © 2008 by Jennifer Welsh
August 1, 2008